All in a day's work...

I’m just going to get right into this while the emotions are flowing.

I’m going to ignore the fact that I haven’t written any sort of blog-type thing in months. I haven’t even been writing in my personal journal. I’m not going to make excuses, or try to speculate as to why I fall out of these habits. Right now, I just need to briefly spew some words.

This afternoon, on May the 5th, of the year 2013, at 3 o’clock, I performed my senior recital. 

This week has been the most uncomfortable, wreck less, uncontrollable ride of emotions. I went from being laid-back and “chill”, to having my very first anxiety attack (in the middle of a class of all places), to somewhere in between. 

While I may have made a bigger deal out of this event in my head than I should have, this recital was everything to me. I’ve been struggling with confidence issues (mostly musically), and I really get myself down when I don’t play well. On the verge of graduating with a performance degree, I guess I simply feel like I should be further along as a musician (despite what others tell me). But I think it’s good that I never let myself be comfortable with my skill level, and it’s truly been a most difficult time pushing myself through these rough spots and times of doubt. 

With that being said, this concert that I put on with the help of four of my incredibly talented friends was a bit of a personal test. I didn’t care that my teachers were there grading me, taking notes, and listening carefully. It was a test for my future, and if I didn’t do well, I’m not sure how I would proceed from here. I had moments of anxiety and being overly tense, but in the larger picture, things went SO much better than I anticipated (for me personally, like I said, my band was amazing). 

So now here I am, 10 hours after the show, working on spanish homework. And I can’t fight off these feelings of extreme relief, exhaustion, and quite frankly a hovering somberness. All I can think of now is the 2 weeks from today where my friends and I will be holding our undergrad diplomas, and getting ready to move on with our lives. I will miss these past 2 years at New Paltz more than I express, and I think it will take some time for me to truly move on. At the moment, I need to just get through the next two days, and then I can really breathe. 

That was (as usual), longer than intended, but WHATEVERRRRRR.

See you in a few more months (el-oh-el).

-DRCB

Isn’t it quite strange when you are feeling that you need to say something, 

yet there is nothing to say?

Silence, at times, can scream in your ears like the vastness of the mountains before you,

simply presenting to you their static and immense power.

I’ve had this idea for quite a while, but I think it’s finally time to attempt it. 

I’ve always had trouble with consistency in journaling/blogging/life, so I thought if I made it a little more interesting, I might stick with it.

I’m going to be working on a “sound blog”, in which I will incorporate words (mostly spoken, but perhaps some sung), natural sounds from everyday life, in order to create a marriage of journalism with the aesthetics and power of sound.

Sound plays a giant role in my everyday life, so I think this should be an interesting project.

To come in the future.

-DrcB

You know what? Facebook bores me. I can’t understand why it is my first instinct to check up on the ol’ Book the second I get on the computer. I would love to just go zap! And be done with it, but that’s just not going to happen then, is it?

On to bigger and better things.

I’m about to attempt to take a short nap, which is quite a rarity for me, and I thought, “Hey, might as well unload your mind a bit before you rest, Dave.” 

Tomorrow is the end of summer living back at home, and to be honest I’m quite ready for it. I’ll be spending the next 5 days with three great friends of mine on the shore of Ocean City; a nice way to end the summer, I’d say.

A little over a week, and we’re back into the swing of college life. This being my final year of undergraduate schooling, I sure think (hope) it’s going to be a special one. My living situation at school has entirely U-turned, going from living by myself in a studio with no internet, television, or even a microwave, to living in a rather large house with 5 other guys and even having cable (which I’ve never had once in my life). I’d say this year is going to be just a little bit of a change from the last. 

I’d like to think that I’m going to figure a lot of things out this year, some personal issues, perhaps learn some new tricks and trades, turn into somewhat of an organized person, and maybe even grow a small garden. 

The time for procrastination, the time for saying, “I’ll figure that eventually”, the time for living a care-free life, the time for being a stone, is long gone. The time for action, and becoming a now-instead-of-later person has arrived.